Feelin' a bit down.....

     Old times creep up on you when you least expect it, and they have such a talent of making you feel so bad... But as they say, misery loves company... And I seem to be getting along better with one of my friends whom everybody knows to be pretty much depressed. Perhaps it's not a good thing that I give into it, but I've come to realize, I haven't really worked through any of the shit I've been through...
     Like the other day my mom was saying something about how my siblings and I have my "father's" side of eyes; which are big blue eyes. I don't really see how my eyes are particularly big, but whatever. So anyways, I was sitting on the bus on my way to school listening to music, and then I thought about the conversation... "Does that somehow make me as bad as him? Does that mean that in some sort of fucked up way that I represent him, and or all the horrible things he's done?"... But I know I'm not like that... but still, it;s something you'd have to wonder...

     Some things that make me feel better during these times is going outside, or drawing. But when I draw I have to have the world drowned out with music.. which, in most cases has only aided my depression.. But my new friend has introduced a new way to relax in a way that I can see what everything is :3 It's like meditation or something.. inside intuition, like the feeling of knowing something, but you have no idea as to why you know it.. which I already had before he told me about, but he told me of a way to focus more on it. It's really relaxing! Here are the steps, but as to explain it further so that one could like research it more or something, I could not do.. because it's just something I've always known but can never explain :)

Steps to "Opening Your 3rd Eye" (as he calls it, which I'm sure is the correct term :) )


lightly look at the center of your forehead.. you will feel a tingle - stick one finger tip to your forehead, without straining your eyes. Close your eyes, and feel your finger on your forehead.

Now focus on the part just inside your forehead, inside your skull. it will help

Do that when you wake up for any amount of time, but feel the tingle, and before bed, or literally anywhere. Just relax.

Do it everyday, but no more than 5 times a day as to not obsess.


I would suggest, seems how I cannot explain further, to look it up, but I tried the steps above, and got amazing results, otherwise, it would not appear on here :) Have fun! :) <3

a little something i found under my bed :3

     I found this piece of paper underneath my bed in a binder of some old writing; I used to write a lot, like stories, random thoughts, and poems... well, this is one of the random thought type things that I wrote, along with two descriptive paragraphs that I read when I found the paper, my reaction "Damn, I can write good!" anyways, yeah, here it is:

August 28, 2011

     I love writing poems. They are a story all their own. Whether important or not, they are poems; my poems, my stories.

     My poems, yes, they are stupid. But people relate to stupid. For example; my poem about being bored and being so blinded by boredom that the unmentioned character of the poem has even lost their way to the bathroom. See, that's stupid. But people thought it was hilarious. Probably because poems are put off to society as a more refined art. The kind of art that only the 1st-class-china-tea-cup-set, parlor-room kind of people do or read. But in fact - for those of you who think that, no. Poems are an anybody's-cup-of-tea kind of thing. And they can be about anything.

     See, when i was younger I thought that poems were the 1st-class-china-tea-cup-set, parlor-room kind of sport. I thought they had to be serious and had to rhyme or match in syllables, which was too much work than I was interested in. Instead, it's only your thoughts and feelings and such. Just in the shorter version. it's like that saying; "Mathematicians always take short-cuts" well, so do poets (but they know more words than mathematicians I assume...).

     Anyways. Poetry is easy. Just get to the point. Don't drone on and bore your reader with unnecessary details. And be straight up with them right there. Be yourself, on paper and off; That's what makes a great writer. Now I'm gonna go brush my teeth.

~

     "I didn't steal that cookie" she said as innocently as she could. But no matter what she said, her mother wasn't going to believe her. For an evident reason; the chocolate cookie crumbs that still rested on her daughters cheeks that she must have been saving for later.

~

     The chair squeaked under the pressure of all their thoughts. Her leg bounced up and down nervously as she waited with the others. She looked around; yes, they too were looking just as nervous as she felt. Staring off into space as they held the outdated magazines up to their faces as if they were actually reading it. But they were mindless; just as nervous as her, and for that, she felt a little less alone in the big cruel world.



     

mail can almost ruin a day

     It's weird how one piece of mail can kinda unmake your day... well, that's what happened yesterday when I received a certain piece of mail that informed me that I was scheduled for make up ACT testing for 3 days straight. These days are during the school day, which cause me to miss most, if not nearly all of my classes, including notes and homework.. so I am left to scramble to get these things before the closing mark on Friday of this week..... isn't the school system so great -_- The reason I didn't take the ACT's originally is because my Maine school and my school now were both procrastinating and trying to make sense of my transcripts. So from September until now (March) I've been counted as a sophomore, taking sophomore classes when I'm a junior... although in Maine the classes I take now are considered junior classes... w.t.f? Anyways. So now that that's figured out, I had to take ACT and sign up for my senior classes.. and my friend Angelica wants me to go to junior prom with this boy I like, and kinda sorta plan on going out with :3 But I can't/don't want to.... 1). I talked to him about it, and neither of us  have money for such things 2). I don't have a dress, even though I could get one from a charity called Cinderella's Closet... but that leads back to #1, 'cause we don't have money to get into prom 3). I honestly don't really want to go..... I know all girls are all like "ooo dresses!" and "oooooaoaahhhhhh PROM!!!!!" Like dreaming about it all their lives.. it's just one dance, nothing really that special....

     So, I reported to ACT as scheduled.. for like 5 hours!!!!! Got let out for a lunch that wasn't mine; I missed my lunch.. so I was allowed to skip my 5th hour class and go to C lunch, which isn't a huge deal, but nearly all my friends are at my lunch, it's like an hour after when I eat lunch, I didn't get to talk to Angelica in art (that's my 5th hour), and I didn't get to see Ferris 'till like after lunch!! Dang! But one good thing I got to eat lunch with my friend Hailey, I usually see her in my 2nd hour English class, and we talk there, but since I was in testing all day, I didn't get to see her today.. which by the way was so nice to see a face that I could talk to.. I was so happy at lunch :) <3

     *sigh* is it stupid to have one person make you so happy?

From productive to lazy to tomorrow to lists to lisps, what's next?

     Today is one of those days.... so productive, yet I feel so lazy.... I chatted online to this boy I might go out with, cleaned up the yard; which I might add, took hours to do so because it's never been done.... God knows why we had to do if nobody else saw the purpose of it.. but supposedly we're going to occupy that space with horse shoes and such... pshh right! Then I worked on this giant poetry packet project for my english class, it's due Monday, and I want it to look so nice, but I feel almost like I don't have enough time or even patience to do so.... -_- ugh, such is life I suppose..... And tomorrow I'm so excited for, 'cause my friend Jeff is gonna come over and I'm going to straighten his hair and dress him in drag!!! :O I'm so freaking excited lol, like it's been for freaking ever since I've had somebody over!!! Plus I get to straighten his hair, which has been on my list of Things to do Before Next School Year!!! I get so happy to check something off from that list! :)
     But speaking of things that are productive.. I've got a cup of coffee sitting next to me and loads of energy to perhaps do my CAPA or maybe even my english project.. but instead, I sit here writing this, and texting online to friends... ahh the carefree life of a teenager.. you all think it's easy lol. By the way, I've got a quote form a book I read a while ago: "They don't want to see what a bunch of fragile sadists teenagers are." which, is like so true. As a teenager myself, we honestly don't really care about anybody or anything besides some very few things; our friends, sometimes our family, our friends again, what we can, or think we can get away with, doing what we want when we want... and yeah, for a few things the list is longer....
     Speaking of lists, my mother says she thinks lisps are annoying... especially if they are wealthy people with lisps XD

Teachers nowadays.... pffftt

     My mother ordered this pasta maker from like e-bay or something...it's called the Pasta Express made by CTC, and it apparently didn't come with a instructional manual, so she asked me to look one up. Well, upon looking one up, I found an instructional video on Youtube. This video is of the sorts that you probably watched - or still watch in science class or history class, for real, the government needs to really not cut budgets in schools.. instead, cut it elsewhere, like on gambling and such, not education! Education is what's going to run this world, make the future generations smart, or dumb.. and right now, they're making us dumb. Cutting back on teachers; educated teachers, teachers that actually teach! Don't just sit there like a lump on a log... Dang, kids say to my horrible "teacher" Mr. Russ,
"You're the best teacher!"
"how?" he says unenthusiastically as he stares at his computer screen
"Because," they start, "you don't give us homework, like we just do half an hour of teaching and we can just sit here and do whatever we want for the rest of class."
     Really? That's what's going on in class nowadays!? you say with your eyebrows raised.. yes.. sadly, it is... -_- Now you can't blame us for bad test scores... it's not our faults!
     But on the other hand, I do have some teachers who do teach. My chemistry teacher sticks to a firm schedule that he made last year! And believe me, we follow that schedule like it's God's rule, We have a test at least every week, we have this thing called Lon-Capa (it's our homework), and once we have one Capa closed, another one opens! *bit overwhelmed face* uherrrrrrgggg! I try so hard in that class! Like I go to class everyday no matter what! I even go through the whole day ('cause my chemistry class is the last hour of the day) when I don't feel good, just so I can get my chemistry notes! We do notes everyday in that class! And when we don't do notes, we're taking tests, quizzes, or doing practice problems.... *sigh* and the rare, occasional lab.... I like the labs better *sulky face* 'cause I learn better if I see it happen like for real, not in letters, words, or numbers... certainly not numbers! I'm not good with math. But ironically, my geometry grade is way better than my chemistry grade!!

     Oh yeah, so you probably wanna see that video right? I totally forgot.. so here it is! :3

This is me;

I like to smell blueberry candles, blow bubbles, and walk up down escalators.
I love forgein things, horror movies, and sweets.
My favorite color is hot pink, and my favorite movie is How to Train Your Dragon.
I've had only one near death experience and have only been bitten by one type of animal.

I currently have 223 goals that I wish to complete by next school year. My ultimate dream is to work for Disney Pixar films, live in a condo in the city with a great Dane, two fish, and a komodo dragon.
I enjoy spending my time doodling, listening to music, and/or chatting online. My favorite eating utensils are either chopsticks, or a spoon.
I think that growing up is over rated, and that Evanescence would be better if they let their lead singer go. I think that my mother is a great cook and that my best friend should actually make an effort to contact me.
I disagree with politics as a whole and racism. I believe that homosexual marriage is the same as heterosexual marriages.
I wish I was shorter, coloring implements wouldn't dull or break, and to be successful in my dreams and goals.
I hate onions, country music, and inconveniences.
I've always wanted to have had a normal childhood, to be perfect, and to remember having a Cabbage Patch Kid.
I don't understand the male species, why people wish to fly, or why some people don't like art.
I've always thought banana bread  is really good, and that I'm going to die young.
I've never gotten stitches or had a broken bone.
I don't like being called "babe", cooking, butter, salt, fat, or grease.
I can't stand  hiding something, pinacoolada or silence.
I'm not good at sexting, math, being patient, or talking in front of crowds.
I've worn glasses since kindergarden, and my favorite color used to be green.
I don't want kids, and I don't like cheese cake, pineapple, coconuts, or hair.
I have sexy blue eyes, a sock monkey, and pink shoes.
I love socks, toast, ice cream and art.